You might be a band nerd if...

1. instead of writing 'and' you write 'band'
2. you have inside jokes with every member of the marching band
3. your iTunes library is filled with songs you've played
4. not just your drum line, but your whole band can crab step together
5. you walk in step with the people around you
6. you like wearing your uniform
7. you consider sheet music an accessory
8. you keep track of how long you practice
9. people worry when they see you without something band related
10. you start responding to 'band dork'
11. people start to see a resemblance between you and your band director
12. you tell people to dress the lunch line
13. your mouthpiece tastes good
14. you walk to class and think: "Am I walking in half or full steps?"
15. you hang out in the band room before, during, and after school
16. you eat lunch with other people from band
17. you don't try and hide the fact that you're in band
18. you daydream about sets for next year's show
19. you wear band shirts to school
20. your entire schedule revolves around band
21. you social life involves memorizing music
22. you skip other classes to be in band
23. instead of sneakers, you wear your marching shoes to school
24. you have a band-related nickname
25. you can think of an antidote for everyone in marching band
26. you pay more attention to your instrument than your pets
27. you actually know how to fix your embouchure
28. you've made a band documentary
29. the best day of the year is Freshman Initiation
30. you've ever had anything shipped to the band room care of your band director
31. your section has a symbol
32. you practice with writing implements in public
33. you notice all the changes in other bands' shows
34. letters past G aren't important
35. you can only count in multiples of 4
36. you start to miss marching in the cold when band season is over
37. you start to refer to football season as either 'band season' or 'marching season'
38. you like changing clothes on a bus
39. you make mix tapes for your friends with this year's band songs
40. you can hum, play, and sing your parts
41. you think marching in the rain is fun
42. your band has its own cheers/songs
43. you search the internet on ways to march better
44. you go trick-or-treating in your uniform
45. you can play your whole show even after chugging a whole bottle of cough syrup
46. you could care less if someone beats you up, but they lay a finger on your instrument and you're ready to kick some butt
47. you've learned to whittle your own reeds
48. you've asked someone to marry you to your instrument
49. you wonder what life would be like without band
50. you actually get instrument jokes
51. you get excited when people get new instruments
52. your doodles are of notes and clefs
53. you call your friends by their chair, not by name
54. you wonder how songs would sound if your band played them
55. you've perfected the art of playing with gum/candy in your mouth
56. you order your clarinet marching gloves 'pre-cut'
57. you no longer think the clarinets' gloves make them look like hobos
58. you'd rather have root canal than miss practice
59. you've cut out every single article that featured your band in it
60. you can't wait until the band banquet
61. you've figured out the exact colors of your band uniform
62. you've ever started a sentence with "This one time at band camp..."
63. your band director is really always right
64. you decide that you want to learn every single band instrument before you graduate
65. you like being in places with egoistical trumpet players
66. you and your section-mates spend your time making fun of your section leader
67. you and your other band friends mock other section's leaders
68. you start to spell Band with a capital B
69. you no longer think it's weird to be referred to as a number on a drill sheet
70. people have commented on how much you look like your instrument
71. you have almost no friends that aren't in band because everyone else thinks you're too weird
72. you're the webmaster of your band's website
73. your love interests all play an instrument
74. you can play more than one instrument well
75. you understand more Italian than English
76. you've devoted pages to band on your website
77. marching season is over, and you miss getting up at dawn on Saturdays
78. your car has been referred to as the 'band mobile'
79. the biggest accomplishment of your day was you and a group of friends walking in step in a straight line
80. your room is covered with posters of professional musicians, famous bands, and pictures and articles of your band
81. all of your conversations eventually get around to the subject of band
82. your e-mail address/screen name has your instrument in it
83. your password is your instrument plus your number on the drill sheet
84. you know the number of everyone's uniform and hat
85. you think it's funny to hide someone's music
86. you think it's funny to write on a trumpet with dry-erase markers
87. your marching band has sleepovers during band camp
88. you have to explain to the freshman about each and every member of the band
89. you can finish other band members' sentences
90. your band director, drum majors, section leader, band captains, and drill instructors are all on your speed dial
91. you're mad because your phone isn't big enough to hold all of the band members' phone numbers (that's okay, you've already memorized them all)
92. all of your rides home are from people in band
93. you wish you could go to band camp all summer
94. you make a shopping list and the only things on it are reeds, mouthpieces, valve oil, swab cloths, cork grease, and other instrument 'accessories'
95. you get upset when your band director says that marching the show onstage during the intermission of the school musical is a bad idea
96. you refer to intermissions at plays/musicals/operas as 'half-time' and have the irresistible urge to march your show
97. you know where to get things for odd instruments like the oboe, bassoon, or English horn
98. your favorite thing to do is read band jokes
99. you send funny music pages to all of the musicians you know
100. you have a theory about each section of the band
101. you actually understood why people got their awards at the band banquet
102. you've ever parodied someone in your band by making up a song/character/slogan about them
103. your pets are name after composers, types of music, dynamics, or musical accents
104. you think it's cute to teach your dog to bark the school fight song while your band plays it
105. you dream about marching
106. all you can think about is getting a new instrument
107. you're excited to switch instruments over the summer
108. you think it would be really cool to become your state's only marching bassoon
109. you think of ways to get the oboe and bassoon into the pit
110. you try to convince your band director to buy an electric marimba because it gives you a cool shock when you put your hand on it while holding a flute *
111. on a flute and clarinet duet, you don't need microphones to be heard
112. you think it's kind of cool that brass players have that thing on their lips from playing for so long
113. you wear pins that have anything with your instrument on them
114. you live to march in the rain
115. you've figured out - in days, hours, minutes, and seconds - how much time you've spent at school for band
116. after dating people in your section, it begins to feel a little like incest
117. you and the other girls in band have 6 patented ways for wearing your hair under your band hat
118. you string a punch of plumes together to make a feather boa
119. you've ever invented a musical term that your band actually uses
120. your band cubby has more of your school books in it than your regular locker
121. you get a piece of music to memorize for marching band and it takes you 15 minutes to memorize it
122. you've learned several instruments over the summer because you can relate all of their fingerings to your first instrument
123. you no longer think that the oboe and bassoon are weird instruments and wonder why all the freshmen flock to see them when taken out of their case and played *
124. you'll be darned if you break your wrist and sit in the pit instead of marching in the show
125. you can describe everyone in band using the names of dynamics/accents
126. no one thinks it’s strange that you can play music backwards
127. you petition to have the name of the football field changed to the 'Marching Field'
128. you still think it's cool to talk about your marching shows from freshman year at your 25 year high school reunion
129. you decide to become a professional drill instructor because you love marching so much
130. your 'potty dance' is you marking time when you have to pee
131. standing in line anywhere, you start conducting and humming music
132. you're sad when your instrument goes to the shop and you send it get well cards and flowers
133. you own scrunchies, socks, shorts, or any other piece of clothing with your instrument on it
134. you get psyched when you see the Boston Pops, Berlin Philharmonic, Vienna Philharmonic, or the Canadian Brass on TV
135. you've seen a live drum corps show
136. you've bottled your own 'band cola'
137. you can transpose music in your head faster than you can spell your own name
138. you know which stands in your band room wobble, and can avoid getting them
139. you have your own special chair in the band room
140. you know the e-mail address of everyone in marching band
141. you invite the marching band to a 'band camp party' before band camp starts
142. you wish you could go away to a real band camp and not just practice at your school
143. you're jealous that your band's rival has lights on their football field
144. you remember everything that has ever happened at a marching competition
145. you think the school's trophy case should be filled with band trophies
146. your band director starts to act more like your older brother than your teacher
147. you've sworn in front of your band director and he doesn't care
148. you like hanging out with your band director
149. you've ever ridden in your band director's car
150. you wear your marching pants to school and claim that the "fireman's suspender" look is the new thing for this fall (and every one thereafter)
151. you wear your marching shoes to a concert and claim they are your only pair of nice shoes
152. you notice small things about the other band members (like how one clarinet has the straightest teeth you've ever seen and she's never had braces)
153. you know the names of all of the members in you rival's marching band
154. people worry when you can go out to the movies with them on Saturday night
155. you can't fall asleep unless you have a clarinet case as a pillow
156. you hum band songs to get to sleep
157. you know band camp is coming near because you remember it's distinctive 'smell'
158. you were so psyched when you found out that you can get a letter in band
159. you can't wait until you get your band jacket and start putting pins and patches all over it
160. you get mad when the freshman clarinets don't know the fingerings to Eb4, F4, F#4, and G4 when you play Semper Fidelis
161. you don't need a tuner to fix your pitch
162. you list your band director as a reference on applications for jobs
163. your e-mail address is [your instrument and chair @your band's name.com]
164. all the woodwinds know how to make flavored reeds
165. the brass players and drummers can all whittle reeds
166. you own at least 3 band shirts
167. you're not even a trumpet player and you know what a 5C is
168. you can tune any instrument, even if you don't play it
169. your favorite thing to do on weekends is stay up late to simulate that 'been in competition then ridden on a bus for 3 hours' feeling
170. you wish SNL would make a marching band skit
171. you've sent SNL ideas for a band skit
172. you know all the parts of your marching show
173. it's easier for you to recite band jokes than to tell time
174. you never wear make-up, nail polish, or jeweler, because you know you'd just have to take it off before you march
175. you Windex your marching shoes to make them more shiny
176. you only wear pants with stripes down the side
177. your wardrobe only consists of pants and shirts that are your school's colors
178. you don't want to change out of your band uniform after you perform at a competition
179. you wear your marching jacket as a coat in the winter
180. you drum the cadence in the middle of class and you're a woodwind player
181. you're not sure of the names of your relatives, but you can name everyone in band and what instrument they play
182. you feel comfortable going to practice in pajamas
183. you know all of the songs in your band's library
184. you're always in a good mood when band is your first class of the day
185. you classify everyone in band into different cliques
186. you can't even think about liking someone unless they have that reed or brass mouthpiece smell on their breath
187. you use valve oil as perfume/cologne
188. you're on a first-name basis with the owner of the local music store
189. you know all of the arrangers of all of your band songs
190. you'd be happy to tutor some kids on your instrument, but you just don't have time
191. you don't have time to do anything but be at band
192. you have to explain to non-band people why you're reaching down your marching pants
193. you're jealous that TRL has official cheerleaders, but doesn't have an official marching band
194. you no longer feel comfortable unless you are standing a) in blistering heat or b) in the freezing cold and getting yelled at
195. you watch videos of your marching show, you know which people you are watching
196. you remember comments from the marching judges
197. when your drill instructor changes the show, you have 50 ideas that are better than his
198. you refer either to the marching field or band room as home
199. you love to talk about the field and concession stands of other schools
200. you have a band bag that you take to competitions
201. you have a special reserved seat when you play in the bleachers
202. you can carry your instrument, uniform bag, hat box, and bookbag all at the same time
203. you start to have dreams about other members of the band
204. you call your band director 'Dad' and no one notices
205. you compare your uniforms to the other bands'
206. you and rival bands have uniform fashion shows to decide whose uniform is better
207. listening to music, you try and march along to the beat
208. you start to hum your show in your car using the turn signal as the beat
209. in a regular conversation, you use the words 'attention,' 'dressing the line,' and 'crab step'
210. your band director says you've got two competitions on the same day and you get really psyched and start crying because you're so happy
211. you've sworn to your band director that you will never date anyone in another band
212. you befriend people from the rival band just to get their secrets about marching
213. you think about writing 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Marching Band' in your spare time
214. you know what pitch your car horn is in
215. you write your own marching shows for your favorite songs on the radio
216. you have a secret shrine to your Almighty Section Leader in your closet
217. you try to recruit junior high band members for your high school's marching band
218. you love playing hide-and-go-seek because you know that you can fit in the tuba case, quad case, the timpani, and some of the band cubbies
219. you can't carry on a normal conversation without referring to at least 3 inside jokes from band
220. you are secretly smitten with the fact that you control what the cheerleaders do
221. you know all of the cheerleaders' dances and cheers
222. you're mad that you can't run through a banner at the beginning of your half time show
223. you know everyone's drill number
224. you find out your drill number, you rejoice in the fact that you don't have to be next to the clarinet a chair below you
225. you start to get uppity when someone refers to you as just a 'Clarinet', you are a 1st Clarinet, after all
226. you bring cookies, pies, and meals to your band director in hopes of him giving you a higher chair
227. you bake cupcakes and then write each band member's name on them
228. your non-band friends are freaked out when you start composing your own music on the back of your math book
229. you make sketches of the guard and drum major's uniforms when bored
230. you space out and think about how cool it would be to make a movie about your band
231. you've thought of slogans for your band
232. it's still funny that you're the 'Pride' of your school, but somehow, it makes sense
233. you've set your band's webpage as your homepage on your browser
234. you have pictures of your band as your desktop wallpaper
235. you'd love to walk into a judge and not get penalized for it
236. you design a line of band clothing and supplies on long bus trips
237. your band sings better than the chorus
238. you petition to have your band get its own concerts
239. you can make jokes about any section of the band and know how true it really is
240. being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
241. you give your instrument a birthday party
242. your non-band friends are amazed that you can make lists like this one
243. you step on the field again after summer vacation, kiss the ground and yell, "I'm home at last!"
244. your senior year you buy your own uniform, hat, and plume as a memento
245. the best news you got during marching season was that for the majority of the show, you were in the front
246. you've had sunburn and hypothermia in the same month
247. you go to a movie and pay more attention to the soundtrack than the actors
248. it blows people away that you haven't been to a social event in months
249. it's saddening to think that some schools don't even have a marching band
250. you can find the pocket in your uniform and not feel perverted when you remove money
251. instead of writing your initials in a heart with someone else's, you draw pictures of your instrument
252. you can tell your instrument apart from the others by the sound it makes when it drops on the ground
253. you've ever done something wrong on purpose so that you could run laps
254. you hate marching indoors because you have a special place in your heart for each field line
255. you know several ways to break into the band room
256. you seriously agree with your band director when he worries about non-band people stealing instruments in the instrument closet
257. you have an opinion on slide grease
258. someone says "Band sucks," and you beat the crap out of them
259. you think there should be a Marching Band Channel on TV
260. your whole day is ruined when your director misses work
261. you beg your band director to go and practice marching during your band class
262. it's mind-boggling that the orchestra members don't want to start a marching orchestra
263. you have a favorite cadence
264. you can find the beat of any song within the first five seconds
265. you use the tile in your bathroom as a marching field and little green army men, and simulate your marching show so that you can know what it looks like
266. you refer to people by their instruments
267. you've held, and dropped, every instrument in your marching band
268. you practice your marching music on a daily basis
269. you've memorized all of the stand music
270. you own a pair of black socks for each field you compete on
271. you get ecstatic when you hear a song that your band played on the radio or in a movie
272. you hang out with your instrument section and tell others they aren't invited because they aren't part of your section
273. you knock on peoples doors with the opening cadence
274. your marching band has a dance they do when leaving the field
275. you swear you heard your band director say he wanted to march the show with you
276. you know everything about everybody in the marching band
277. you're familiar with the location of all of the marching band equipment (lights, field markers, megaphone)
278. it's no longer scary to stay up late at night to practice your marching show
279. you've only gotten the drill book, but you've already figured out how to march the show
280. you freak out when one of the freshmen tells you that he isn't wearing black socks
281. the worst thing in the world would be if you got kicked out of band
282. you realize that nothing you do could get you kicked out of band
283. it's scary to think that you won't be able to be in marching band when you 'grow up'
284. you don't ever want to leave your band director
285. more people than not have commented about that weird 'grass, spit, and sweat' smell whenever you enter a room
286. you can identify each of the trumpets by the type of valve oil they use
287. you yell at people when they forget their instruments at home
288. you see Marc Green and automatically shout 'LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT'
289. your band has two field shows - one for grass, and one for astro turf
290. you know all of the salutes of all of the marching bands in your division
291. you and your marching band friends take bets on what your rival's guard uniforms are going to look like
292. you've figured out parts of your favorite songs on different instruments
293. you know all of your scales - major and minor
294. you've designed band fonts for your computer
295. you know how to distribute parts better than your band director
296. you know every part anyone's ever been given
297. you go home and feel like your family is missing 100 people
298. the funniest thing of the year was when at a marching competition, the tuba's pants fell down
299. you give band-related things to your band director
300. you secretly wish that your parents were marching and guard instructors
301. you have children and force them to be in band
302. your band has a cheer that no one but your band understands
303. you've ever thought about becoming rich and putting a football field in your backyard just so you could march shows whenever you wanted
304. you'd really like to see your parents try and march your show
305. you reminisce about your time in marching band when you're 80
306. you're convinced that you are the biggest fan of marching band ever
307. you donate all your money to your school's instrumental program
308. you buy things for your school's instrumental program
309. you supply all the props for your marching show
310. you publish a book after you graduate titled "Half-time Show; The Stories and Secrets of my life at (your high school)"
311. you think that they paint the field to make it easier for you to see the lines, you don't even consider that the football team might use the field, too
312. you can only dream about owning your own company where you design field shows all day
313. you've tried to get a patent own 'Marching Band-Aids', bandages with instruments on them
314. you don't know any of the rules of football, except when to play the school fight song
315. you wear your wool uniform as pajamas in the winter
316. you get something on your uniform and freak out because you think your band director will care
317. you don't want to have the 3rd quarter off
318. you think of things that make you a band dork when you don't even have band class
319. you think that being in the orchestra would make you a Benedict Arnold
320. you no longer hide the fact that you make out with your mouthpiece in public
321. you can only like a non-band person if they have the same name as someone in band
322. your director asks you to fill in someone's spot for a show because you have the entire show memorized
323. you and the other people in your section have plots to overthrow your section leader
324. you've gotten permission from the others in your section to challenge your section leader
325. you know which people's arms make the best pillows and make sure to rest on them after competing and on the bus home
326. you can tell the twins apart - even when they're wearing the same clothes
327. you're a member of any marching band club on Yahoo! clubs
328. you write a column about band for your school newspaper
329. you have 'voices' for members of the marching band
330. you'd give almost anything to be in the pit
331. you start confusing people that look just a little bit alike
332. you walk anywhere and start marching in step with the other bands' show/cadence
333. you constantly use the phrase "When I'm a drum major"
334. you mock other bands
335. you've ever commented about how ugly your band shoes are
336. you make up songs about the situation your band is in
337. you 'accidentally' memorize everything and think nothing of it until your section mocks you
338. you're secretly glad when you can play something your section leader can't
339. you can read treble, bass, alto, and tenor clef
340. you're proud that a list like this has grown so long
341. you keep telling people in your section that you need to play survivor to get rid of someone
342. you've memorized the complete chair list
343. you have nothing better to do, so you practice
344. you look down on those who can't play as high as you
345. you're constantly being referred to as 'a show off'
346. you're a show off and you like being one
347. you laugh at things like 'Fire Crotch/Clone' and 'Copland Sandwich'
348. you beg your director to have sectionals
349. you force freshman clarinets to stay after and practice with you
350. you think you can be in the pit with the bassoon
351. you know the difference between a majorette, color guard, and drum major
352. you take it upon yourself to write a new cadence for next year - you're a woodwind player
353. your band gossips about what show you're going to do next year
354. you recite the alphabet A through G then start back at A again
355. someone could empty their spit valve on your shoe and you wouldn’t care
356. spit rags/swabbers don’t gross you out
357. you know what a shako is and insist on calling them that, threatening to kick anyone who dares to call them ‘hats’
358. 9/8 time scares the b’jeezus out of you, while dying a slow painful death in a pit of snakes doesn’t
359. you have a section of your closet for 'concert attire'
360. you go around humming the last song you practiced, even if it’s Bb major scale
361. you've fallen asleep inside one of the big band cubbies
362. you walk around with cork grease in your pocket
363. you pick out instruments from the music in cartoons
364. you always have band songs stuck in your head - even ones from three years ago
365. you're proud of the fact that you've downloaded all of your band songs and can play along with them
366. you switch instruments a month before concert and your band director knows you can play the part and...
367. your band director tells you "the last thing you do is suck" (see above)
368. your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back, your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24-7
369. you still and always will find "Sax-a-ma-PHONE!" entertaining
370. it will always be a battle of Brass United versus Bari altos
371. you find yourself drawing characters in uniforms with instruments
372. you've never had to pay to get into a football or basketball game
373. when at competitions, you mock other bands when they are off-step, don't make a straight line, and/or when a color guard member drops a flag
374. pictures of instruments turn you on
375. you spend time at the local music store drooling over new instruments
376. you were a freshman in high school when you got your wooden clarinet
377. you've owned at least 2 of the same instrument
378. your cell phone ring is one of the songs you're playing in band
379. you go to the toy store and play the fugue from your marching show on the toy pianos
380. drum kits amuse you easily
381. one of the categories on your buddy list is 'Band Geeks' and it has the majority of people
382. at pep rallies, the band is the loudest, most spirited section
383. non-band people have asked if others in band are related to you (you're an only child)
384. you get mad at band people when you do the drum solo and they miss the 'huh'
385. you get people's attention by saying '(their name) ten hut'
386. the whole of your Saturday is spent making up a band dork online clique
387. all your away messages relate to band
388. you quit one instrument and take up a new one all in the same day
389. you move around when you play and don't realize you're doing it
390. you've linked your band's webpage on your site
391. when someone asks you your favorite band you ask them "What division? MAC, NYSFBC, NBA or what?"
392. you're a woodwind player and you know all about trumpet mutes
393. you go to see a Broadway and get excited whenever you hear your instrument
394. you want to be voted 'most talent musician' as your senior superlative
395. your motto is 'the faster the better'
396. you think everything should be played at 144
397. you remember every ding and dent on your instrument
398. your band's concert cds are in your stereo 24/7
399. you can hear yourself out of the whole ensemble when listening to a recording
400. you never miss an opportunity to watch another band perform - even while your ride is waiting